Families come in all sizes and colors, and adoption is changing the way they are stitched together. Children from all over the world are brought into the folds of loving families every year. We are proud to feature the adoption stories of three Berks County families, each very different, but the end result joyfully the same.
Keeping the Faith
Tom and Dawn Williams struggled through five years of infertility when they decided to consider adoption.
At first, it was a hard decision for Dawn. “You almost feel like when you choose adoption, you’ve given up on having your own child,” Dawn explains. “Psychologically, you close the door on having your own.”
Having tried everything from insemination and in vitro fertilization to acupuncture and homeopathic doctors, they exhausted all efforts. “We even had a priest come do a special blessing,” Dawn recalls.
The couple’s strong faith pulled them through the emotional stress and roller coaster ride of infertility. Their homeopathic doctor recommended they see an empath in South Carolina. Described as a spiritual guide or advisor, an empath reads energies to help convey feelings of past, present and future life occurrences. The experience in South Carolina was healing for the couple and restored their hope. It validated their choice to adopt.
They decided to try to adopt a newborn by being matched with an expectant birth mother, working with a local agency called Adoption Associates. Tom and Dawn waited several months to be connected with a young girl in Texas named Brittany. She had several children of her own and was about three months along in her pregnancy. They began speaking with her once a week.
Throughout it all, Dawn relied on prayer and faith in God. “There is a higher power. I knew the right child would come to us. I always believed we were going a find the right one for us,” she says.
When they learned the baby was a girl, there was only one name they could think to give her. Tom calls it a “no-brainer.”
Throughout the pregnancy, Tom and Dawn grew close to the young birth mother. They arrived in Texas the week Faith was due, but the baby would not be born for another week. The couple used the time to get to know Brittany and strengthen their bond with her. “We always kidded that it was like we adopted her,” Tom says.
When Brittany asked the couple to be in the delivery room, it stunned the soon-to-be parents. “I was so fortunate to be able to cut the cord. Faith was our child from the beginning,” explains Tom. And when the nurse was unsure who to give the baby to, the young birth mother said, “Please give her to me; I want to give the baby to Dawn.” It is something Tom and Dawn will never forget. Brittany held Faith for a moment before she placed the baby in Dawn’s arms. “She said, ‘Here, now go to your real mommy,’” Dawn says. “I feel like it was a God-given gift.”
The Williams have an “open adoption,” and they keep in contact with Faith’s birth mother and other members of her biological family. Dawn felt it was important for Faith. “I have a connection for Faith for the future, if she ever wants to meet her at any point. When the time comes, we will tell Faith about the celebration of how we got her. It’s not a secret. We were all involved in this process, and Brittany loves her, too.”
Today, Faith is a bubbly and outgoing 3-year-old and she’s filled their home and hearts with joy.
Dawn looks back on her infertility journey as a blessing. In the midst of her struggle, she started work on a developmental activity calendar for children called Parachute Packers. She compiled daily tips, activities and keepsake pages for parents of newborns and toddlers. The hours of research were a welcome distraction. “I removed myself from all that and focused on what I was going to do to cherish my child if it ever happened for me,” she explains. Her calendar is now for sale in local shops and online. “I always say two wonderful blessings came from my infertility: Parachute Packer Calendar and Faith.”
And then there were Three...
When Stephanie Seifrit was 21, a life-changing trip to Africa took her to the streets of third world countries, working with children and refugees. “I could barely do my own laundry back in the states and I had young mothers handing me their children, begging me to take them. It completely changes your perspective on life,” she says. She vowed to return to Africa one day and adopt a child.
Years later, when she decided to make that vow a reality, she started working with Americans for African Adoption, an agency with a long-standing history of adoptions in Africa. She filled out mounds of paperwork, went through homeland security and FBI clearances and was matched with a boy and girl in Uganda.
For more than three years, she obsessively checked her email, waiting for word on the adoption, photos of the kids, or a shred of information. She sent them boxes of clothes, photos of her life, money for shoes and other needs. They drew her pictures with “Mommy” scrawled across the top.
It was the fall of 2009 when she finally received a phone call from the agency. It was not the call she was expecting. All of the children were missing from the orphanage. The man in charge wasn’t telling anyone what had happened. They were gone. She was devastated. Emotionally spent, she told the agency she couldn’t do it anymore.
In early 2010, the agency reached out to her again. They were now working with a small South African country, Lesotho, with a desperate need for adoptive families. Stephanie was reluctant after the loss of the children in Uganda, but the agency assured her they could streamline the process by using her existing paperwork. She agreed, although she thought little would come from it.
Just a few months later, she was matched with two children, ages 2 and 4, but the agency wanted to know if she would consider keeping them in contact with an older sibling who was deemed un-adoptable. When she inquired about the older child, he was thought to be too old at 8 years old, and they assumed no family would take all three.
Determined to see the siblings stay together, Stephanie told the agency she would adopt all three or none at all.
After a long two days of travel, Stephanie and her father arrived in the remote village of Mapotsoe, Lesotho. The orphanage was a cinder-block structure the size of a single-wide trailer and home to 47 children playing on old tires and metal barrels.
Upon meeting the children, the oldest boy spoke first, and Stephanie remembers it well. “Hello, my name is Rethaibile Seifert. I am a boy. I am 8 years old. I live in Mapotsoe, Lesotho,” he said, never looking up from his feet. She learned his nickname was Thabi (Taw-bee) and his African name meant “So happy you’re here.” He let Stephanie touch his face, but was reluctant to hug her. The middle boy introduced himself next as Sello, which means “crying,” for the teardrop shaped birthmark by his eye. He was 4.
And then a tiny girl named Lipuo (pronounced Da-poo-a), meaning “singing,” said hello. She was 2, but weighed only 17 pounds and struggled to stand because of severe malnutrition. Stephanie picked her up. She was wearing 6-month sized baby clothes. “She laid her head against me and fell asleep,” Stephanie remembers.
It was an undeniable moment for Stephanie.
As the oldest of the three, Thabi cared for his younger brother and sister when his parents died. Before coming to the orphanage, they lived in a one-room dirt-floor hut. Both parents died young. Thabi hunted bugs and birds for food and milked a goat into his baby’s sister’s mouth to feed her.
Stephanie spent the first few weeks with her new family at a guest house while they awaited paperwork. The children would only sleep curled up next to each other. At meals, Stephanie and her dad watched in awe as the children devoured food. Lipuo had health issues that were becoming a concern. Her belly often hurt, as she did not know the difference between hunger pain and stomach pain.
After a few days, the younger two children began to let her hug and kiss them, but Thabi kept his distance. Three years later, he still struggles with physical touch, although she says it’s clear he cares for her and his siblings.
When they finally returned to the States, Stephanie rushed the little girl to a doctor. He told her that Lipuo’s systems had begun to shut down. “He said she would not have made it another three weeks there,” she remembers.
Stephanie returned home with her new family and found the adjustment to life in America was overwhelming for the children. Everything was bigger and louder. It was the holidays and even more intense than usual. The children slowly began to realize they would never go hungry. One day, Thabi told her, “Mommy, I know in America, it’s food tomorrow, food tomorrow, food tomorrow,” she says.
Today, all three are healthy, happy and thriving at home and at school. They’ve collected endearing stories about silly mishaps, like the time Thabi tried to vacuum the toilet.
“Going from zero to three is not something I recommend for everyone,” Stephanie says of becoming a mother. “I wanted kids and to be a mom. They are amazing little creatures. I would do it all again.”
Q & A With The Petersens: A Foster Family becomes a Forever Family
Kyle and Angel Petersen have a busy home with their five children; Zachary is 14, Seerena is 12, Carisa is 10, Zeke is 8 and Lukas is 6. They adopted their two youngest boys from foster care. We asked them to take time from their busy schedules (Angel homeschools all five) to talk about their experience as foster parents, becoming an adoptive “forever” family, and keeping up with all that laundry!
How did you decide to become foster parents?
Angel: My dad and his siblings were in foster care for six years as kids. He relayed to me that being with his foster parents helped form him into the man he is today. I have always wanted to be able to offer that for a child.
Did you begin as a foster parent with the intention of adopting?
Kyle: I felt that adoption was always the end goal for us. But we always had to keep in our mind that the ultimate goal of foster care is to send the kids home to their biological parents.
When did you first meet Lukas and Zeke?
Angel: Lukas was three days old and we picked him up right from the hospital, which was tough, because I met his birth mother that day, knowing I would be taking her child home with me and away from her. He never left. We adopted him in 2009 when he was 21 months old. He is 6 now. Zeke was 3 years old when he came to us because we were an adoptive resource. He was in foster care since he was a baby. We adopted him in 2010, when he was 4. He is 8 now.
How did the older children feel about foster care and adoption?
Angel: Before we became foster parents, we talked to our kids about how that would make them feel. We wanted to be a foster family, not just foster parents. They were very sweet to each child that lived with us, no matter how long. Eventually they took on the “sibling” role and became more comfortable with our little boys. When Zeke moved in, he was in a foster home with only one other child. He is our quietest child but has acclimated very quickly to a house full of siblings. He and our 10-year-old daughter are the best of friends. We call them “The Twins.”
What has been the biggest obstacle the boys have had to overcome?
Kyle: With Lukas, his father came in at the eleventh hour and threw us a curve ball right before adoption. Zeke’s father died, which presented us with an issue that we had to address with a young child. Zeke was in many foster homes before he came to us, and the emotional scars were evident. It took him a while to get over the move to yet another foster home; however, I think having four other kids around him all the time helped speed that process up.
What is the biggest challenge for a family with five kids?
Angel: The food budget and laundry! Finances are always tight, but we have been really blessed by hand-me-downs and my ability to find great sales. A more crucial challenge is to make sure none of the kids get “lost” in the family dynamic.
Do you talk with the boys about their biological families?
Kyle: We deal with it differently with each boy. Lukas knows about his six other brothers and sisters and he sees them maybe a couple of times a year. When I first adopted him, I thought that it would be best to cut his family out. I have found that keeping in touch with his brothers and sisters has been a very pleasant experience. Zeke’s biological family dynamic is much different; we really don’t have much contact with his family.
Angel: We talk about their birth families honestly. I realize their story began before they were part of our family, and I do not want to deny them that part of their lives. I used to fear not being the “primary forever family,” but now I just feel like we have an even bigger extended family. We want to encourage their curiosity about their lineage (both boys have Puerto Rican heritage) and birth families. As they get older, we have resources for them to explore about their birth families when they want to do so.
Was there every a defining moment when you knew you were all a “family?”
Kyle: Adoption Day for each of the boys, when their names officially changed to Petersen and we were able to rename Lukas. That was really a big deal for me. Being that Ezekiel was much older at adoption, we did not change his first name. We did give him a middle name that means something to our family.
Angel: After Zeke’s adoption we could breathe easier. We no longer had any “foster sons.” No one could take them from us, so I think that was the moment that it became real.
Closing Thoughts?
Angel: Zeke wanted me to tell you that he was very glad to be adopted, and Carisa was happy to have new brothers! They all really love each other immensely. I love hearing them laugh, fight and play. They are a true team, and very tight. ν
by Rebecca J. Doubek | photos by Heidi Reuter
